So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't put those talents on a resume
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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