this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
