I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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