he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
