Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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