Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
