Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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