you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
