haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
