My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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