my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
