I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
