And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
