Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
