I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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