He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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