Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
