Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
