He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
