she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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