When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
