I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
