OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
True strength comes from lack of pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
