im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
