You can't motorboat a personality
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
