Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
