dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
