we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
