Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
