I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
