Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
