He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
