If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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