I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
