$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize