what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
