It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
