dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
