I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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