Yo dont text me then not text me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
