I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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