By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize