I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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