she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
