Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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