Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
