the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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