so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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