dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
