No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need mimosas to revive my soul
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
