he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
