Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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