I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
