Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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