What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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